Letting go of dreams hurt....Have you ever had that feeling where your dreams seem to have slipped through your fingers? My brain still seems a lil numb after the UMAT, but….yeh….Being the first exam where there was literally HUNDREDS (if not thousands) of people all striving for the same thing. Then, all of a sudden, as I’m standing outside when we’ve finished with all the Glenny/ex-Glenny people freezing my ass off in the cold, it struck me. Here, stood the future contributors of society’s medical field. Here, stood the future doctors, pharmacists and health scientists that will no doubt change the world, as any one who tries hard enough can.
But driving past Monash Uni. after, it was this first time I’d been physically close to what I wanted, or think I want, yet at the same time, I’d never felt so far away from actually being able to reach these dreams. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I fear that my aspirations will remain just that. A dream – unrealistic and unattainable. Well not for all, but for me. I know, I know, you may be thinking I’m just being hard on myself again, over stressing if you may, but meh, I know what I know, I feel what I feel. Take this as a form of therapeutical venting :P
But now, there seems to be nothing I can do about it, except to push on. And I guess that’s just how life is sometimes. One is not defined by how many times they stumble, but by how many times they stand back up. It is through times where doubt is toying with the flickering flame of hope that tests the true, raw character of our beings. Challenges in life are inevitable, but always remember, that being defeated is optional.
I’ve got to learn to let go, despite it being human nature to ingrain our failures into memory, and yet let successes be blown away into our subconscious. I’ve got to learn to try harder, to try and make time less against me. (lol) I suppose life is a learning progress, you can’t fight it. But with my dreams as fragile as paper thin glass, with reality being that hammer hovering just above it threatening to shatter it into a million tiny pieces of crystal confetti - I now have to concrete myself. Somehow. I will.
How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come.
Og Mandino
http://www.theage.com.au/national/education/beyond-the-horizon-20090213-86j1.html
Ok, ok, here it is -.-" Normally I wouldn't do this, but if it means that certain people *COUGH, COUGH* will stop pestering me then fine. :P For those who are curious, yes, this was something I wrote and it's published on The Age's website (MUCH to my surprise) Oh, by the way, I do realize it's a lil out dated since (it was in Feb :S) but I only just found out myself like a week or so ago too!
Basically I wrote it at spur of the moment, inspired by nature and its ability to change constantly and gracefully, as if it were simply meant to be. Inspired by the necessity of change in one’s life, and how we can, we must, embrace it to fulfil our own dreams and aspirations. Inspired by the notion of second chances, represented by the daily miracle of a sunrise, even though I sometimes feel as if I don’t deserve it.
Beyond the horizon
Sophia Fu February 16, 2009
Nature's ongoing regeneration affirms our own capacity for change.
LEAVES whisper in soft rustles beside me. An orchestra of wildlife sings in unison, each contributing to the surprisingly calming melody, whether it is a croak, a chirp, a howl or a hoot. Like a foreign language I yearn to understand yet cruelly cannot, the music nevertheless penetrates the deepest part of my being; stirring feelings I had not thought existed.
My lips twitch into a smile as masses of tiny green feathers tickle at any bare skin exposed as I lie here in my "billion star" resort - far beyond the reach of the chaotic city, the night lights that steal glory away from the ones above, the dampening sounds of those who are lost, confused or insatiable, unconsciously basking in dissatisfaction and blindly running for that over-glorified and vague goal of "winning". Mother Nature knows no greed. Balance is precisely what she emphasises and demonstrates all around us. Where there is rain, there is sun. Where there is loss, there is gain. Where there is growth there is depletion.
I half-heartedly sigh and briefly close my eyes as the occasional breeze ruffles my hair and the feeling of night washes my body in a velvety black liquid, enhancing every other sense. Along with the light, worries, fears and that sinking feeling of uncertainty that seeps into the cracks of infinite possibilities - like hesitantly walking in the darkness - all seem to trickle away.
I open my eyes. And for the briefest moment I see the world ever so clearly - its beauty, its ugliness, its hopes and achievements as well as its failures and disappointments. Feeling indescribably small and insignificant among the vast presence of these shards of light; I soon replace the overwhelming emotion with a burning desire to make a difference, to make a change of my own. Sure, I may be one person, but one star in the universe still contributes greatly to its beauty.
Times seem unruly as it feels as if I've only begun to gaze at a corner of this picturesque painting before the first hint of light seeps into the liquid darkness. Slowly the orchestra of fauna falls into a harmonious decrescendo only to be replaced by the daily miracle of a sunrise. A symphony of colour makes its grand entrance, spilling streams of gold, orange and the occasional streak of red and violet onto the blank canvas. Slowly dominating the sky and engulfing the delicate night, the sun finally swells over the Earth's edge, marking the beginning of another day.
Another day to smile and brighten up lives as the sun does for the world, to grow as the tender seedlings stretch towards the sky, to live to all of one's worth. Another chance must mean that it, whatever what one defines it as, is possible. For another day has come for inevitable change.
I brush the grass off my clothes, leaving a cloud of dust as I unsettle the stillness of my surroundings. But as I prepare to leave, I turn and pause to face the rising sun, whose soft glow has strengthened into a molten gold cascading over all those in this land - and this is when I realise: we are ready.
<-- Smart people....
Milesy! :)
